In a Funk

It's been a rough couple of weeks. Here's why:

1. My car has been in the shop for nearly 3 weeks and needs a new transmission, to the tune of several thousand dollars.
2. I dropped my phone last week and the screen now has a giant crack across it. My only option is to tape it up and keep using it. Can you say "ghetto?"
3. Brad had the flu since Sunday and is just now feeling back to his normal self. I have not gotten it yet, but I feel off. Head floaty and kind of like I got hit by a truck or fell down the stairs
4. Oh, wait. I FELL DOWN THE STAIRS TODAY.

I haven't put on make up or done anything with my hair all week. I don't normally doll up too much to work from home, but I at least usually wear normal clothes and do a little something with myself. I am a newlywed after all! This week? I went out in public wearing sweatpants and Ugg boots, having not showered. Granted, it was only to Rite Aid to get Brad's Tamiflu prescription filled, but still.

But today, after wallowing in my "I'm getting sick" and then my "I fell down the stairs" all day, I finally got up from my desk at 500, took a shower, dried my hair and put on jeans and some mascara. I feel 100% better (although my ass still hurts something fierce from my tumble).

I'm in a funk, you could say. But I'm trying to pull myself out of it.

I could really use a cupcake right about now.

Not About My Weight

I never wanted to be one of those women who obsesses about her weight. I've lost a lot of it in my day and I've been up and down within about 5 pounds of my current weight ever since. This post, however, is not about my weight. It's about my mental and physical health. I've put on 3 or 4 pounds in the last month or so. I know why it's happened, and I'm not happy about it.

But this is not about my weight.



Reason One
It's been a full week and a half since my last run. I have been working out -- doing "bootcamp" DVDs in my living room, ellipticalling, lifting weights -- but less frequently and less intensely than I should be and than I need. I can feel it in my body and in my psyche.

Excuse #1: I started a new job and It has kept me very, very busy.

Excuse #2: I had a cold that I couldn't shake for over a week.

Excuse #3: It's cold and even snowy now and the days are so super short and I don't feel comfortable running alone in the dark. And months of consistent outdoor running have made me loathe the treadmill more than I can express. I want my trails clear of snow, 35-40 degree temperatures and daylight.


Reason Two
I've been eating a lot of crap. Not junk food, because I just don't really purchase or eat actual junk food. But carby, sugary stuff like my mom's Christmas cookies (she sent us a huge box in the mail), and popcorn that I pop on the stove in coconut oil with tons of salt, and slices of bread slathered with almond butter.

Excuse #1: It's Christmas time. Crap food is aplenty.

Excuse #2: Vegetables and fruit aren't in season right now (which doesn't really apply in this day and age but I'm going with it).

Excuse #3: I'm just SICK of eating healthy all the time. And my indulgences aren't all that bad. . .


Reason Three
I eat my stress. Here is a list of just a few things that have made me turn to cookies late into the night:

1. See above, new job.

2. See above, cold.

3. Impending trip to Wisconsin for the holidays. The list of reasons why this is stressful is so long that just thinking about it is stressful.

4. I may or may not have killed Brad's truck when I drove it up to Pittsburgh last week.

5. The truck we were planning to drive to Wisconsin for said stressful holiday trip.

6. I will now have to put up with Brad and his father making fun of me for the rest of my life about (maybe) killing the truck, and thereby earning the label of "incompetent woman."

7. Also, not sure where the money to fix (maybe) dead truck will come from.

8. This week, I got the worst haircut of my life. This is basically what I looked like driving home from the salon:

8. I've gained 3 or 4 pounds in the last month. And trying not to focus on my weight is stressful.

What It's Like to be Posh Spice

The bike shop that sponsors Brad has a huge selection of products, all of which he can get at an insanely discounted price. One of the perks of being married to a sponsored athlete:



Yes, that is a case of Brownie Chocolate Chip Larabars. And a new pair of Smartwool socks for running. I'm a lucky girl.

Kneepeas

Because I'm sure the universe is simply dying for an update, my knee is much better today. I took three days off from working out and elliptical-ed this morning at the gym. It felt so good that, after I got off the hamster wheel, I ran a mile on the treadmill before heading home to ice my leg with my kneepeas (a bag of frozen peas that are designated for icing body parts, not for eating).

In other news, I'm headed to a brand new doctor tomorrow, whose name I randomly chose from my health insurance's network of doctors. My doctor in Pittsburgh was kind of a dick, and he never listened to me. I have high hopes for new dude tomorrow.

Pain Cave

I have finally gotten to a point with my fitness that I am proud of. I can run that 5K that I was aiming for -- in fact, I have been running 10-15 miles a week pretty consistently for the last month or so (a combination of treadmill and trail). I know that is not a lot, but I hope one day to be one of those people who runs 10-15 miles at once, and for the first time I have been feeling like that is achievable. "Every runner has to start somewhere!" I tell myself. So what if I'm starting later than most; I spent my teen years being over 200 pounds!

Yesterday I went to the park near my house to run, on a familiar trail that I have run several times already. I ran this particular trail end-to-end and back (about 2.75 miles, I estimate), was chased by a goose in the process, and then got back into my car to drive home. As I sat down in the car, I felt a twinge in my left knee. Huh. I have had problems with my right knee for years, but never the left.

By the time I got home, moving my foot on and off of the clutch was excruciating. I showered and iced my knees, and then took a look -- very swollen, as I suspected. Walking up and down stairs is seriously difficult. Putting pretty much any weight on the knee while it is bent is very painful.

I'm so discouraged, I don't know what to do. I have worked very hard to get to this point in regards to running, and I am afraid I'll lose a lot of fitness by taking too much time off. On the other hand, I know I need to take care of my body and, frankly, I think I could run today if I tried.

So, I'm bummed. Super bummed. But hopefully a couple of days' rest is all I will need to heal.

In the meantime:

An Actual Conversation

It is 5.45 am. I have dragged myself out of my warm bed, put on my workout clothes and driven to the gym. Squinting against the uber-bright florescent lights, I choose a treadmill, set my program and start to run. But my legs! They feel like whole frozen Christmas hams. They are heavy, heavy, and after 5 minutes I slow to a walk and hang my head in shame. I feel defeated.

Man on treadmill next to me: Seems harder today, doesn't it?

K: Yes, it does.

Man: That one is stuck at an incline.

K: That would certainly explain it. Thanks!

I moved to the next treadmill and had no trouble pounding out my 2 miles. Crisis averted!

At Least Five Hours

Brad is a cyclist, and he's probably the fittest person I know. But when we met, over 11 years ago, he wasn't. I mean, he was always in reasonable shape, but he was not the muscley-legged, cardiovascular anomaly that he is now. In the past 6 years or so, his body has completely changed shape.

I want that.

I have recently discovered that I have a rather high body fat percentage, even though I'm technically only about 1-2 pounds overweight. In discussing this last night (my desire to change my body shape dramatically), Brad suggested I up my time spent working out to at least five hours a week for now. And that, as I get fitter, I should increase that time. Since I have begun to work out in the mornings during the workweek, I have a limited amount of time that I can spend at the gym and still make it to work on time. So my plan is to get three hours of cardio in on the weekends; at least an hour and a half both Saturday and Sunday.

This Saturday, I hiked at our beloved KSF for an hour and a half, and yesterday I spent the same amount of time on various cardio machines at the gym -- treadmill, elliptical, stairmaster. I nearly fell asleep during the Vikings game last night and, walking up stairs is a bit of a struggle. But Monday is my rest day, so hopefully I'll bounce back by 545 tomorrow morning. I have a date with my favorite treadmill.

Well I'm Glad That is Over

Sigh.

So far, in the 12 days since I wrote my last, optimistic, new year-fresh post, I have drunk a ton of diet soda and not worked out one single time. However, after all is said and done, I've lost 5 actual pounds.

On January 2, I was stricken with the worst case of food poisoning I have ever seen, save for that one time that Brad knowingly ate rotten trout. I couldn't keep down even water, I got severely dehydrated, and I was unable to eat real food for 5 days. If I had health insurance, you can bet I would have gone to the emergency room on Sunday morning, after I awoke, presumably from fainting, on the bathroom floor. Unfortunately, I am not eligible for my company's plan yet, so I toughed it out.

During this time, I dropped about 7-8 pounds, which is partially awesome but mostly scary (as I mentioned, 3 of those came back once I was able to eat and drink normally). I finally feel 100% normal, thank goodness. The culprit? I'm sorry to say I believe it was a bottle of kombucha. I understand that a small percentage of people have a severe "allergic" reaction to this fermented tea, that manifests as gastrointestinal toxicity. I guess I will never know for sure, but you can bet that I will never again drink that shit.

Today, I had a long, long day that began at 530 am. As I drove to a jobsite in Morgantown, I contemplated: if I can wake up at 530 to drive for 2.5 hours for work, why can't I awake at 530 to hit the gym for 1 hour before work? I'm going to try to put that into action this week. I am starting with a small goal, of working out before work ONCE this week. Perhaps tomorrow; since I'm already super tired, I don't think I could stay up late if I tried.

Bonus: An Actual Conversation

I'm lying on the couch, in the throes of food poisoning, watching a Jersey Shore marathon and eating crackers. Brad walks in, all handsome and fresh-faced from a 4-hour mountain bike ride. I probably glare at him, I can't help it!

Brad: I think you've invented a celebrity diet.
K: Yeah, saltines and ginger ale?
Brad: Saltines and diet ginger ale.

2010 Goals

In order to get things you've never had, you need to do things that you've never done. Right? Here goes:

1. Quit drinking diet soda. I'll miss you, my sweet friend! I'm on day 4 already and holding strong.

2. Run a 5K race. I'm looking at two options right now; the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure in May, and the Charleston Distance Run in September.

3. Ride 50 miles. At once. On my bike. I am saving money for a real road bike, but until then Brad has agreed to put slick tires and a rigid fork on Black Betty so that I can get started.

4. Take on more responsibility at work.

5. Lose the 20 last pounds and become as healthy as I possibly can be. I swear to god, I make this resolution every damn year. I'm hoping that this will be a sort of by-product of all of the training for numbers 2 and 3. I think I've got the healthy eating part down, I just need to work out more.

6. Visit my friend Melissa and her awesome husband and daughter (my god daughter) in DC at least 3-4 times in 2010. I hope to start this one next month -- they're only a 5 hour drive away!

7. Visit my friend Devin in California. I love this girl and my wedding was the first time I've seen her in nearly 2 years. Unacceptable!

8. Eat dinner at the dining room table. This is definitely a hard one, as Brad and I usually end up balancing our plates on our knees as we watch Jeopardy. Classy.

9. Pay off debt, and start saving money for a house. I can't wait to be free of the debt stranglehold!

10. Super secret goal that I'm not sharing with anyone yet. But I'll let you know what it is when it happens!


Tonight we're off to the home of one of Brad's cycling friends for a NYE celebration. A room full of new people? Sounds like the perfect opportunity for me to be a litte uncomfortable.

Happy new year!

Pretty Good Year

I can't believe it's almost Christmas and that 2009 is nearly over (side note: what are we supposed to call this decade? The 2000s?). This has been probably the best but most change-filled year that I've had so far -- moving to yet another state, starting yet another new job, and getting married of course!

I'm starting to think about my New Year resolutions for 2010. Every year I make them and I'm usually about 50% successful. Last year, I resolved to send birthday cards to all of our family members (I only missed 2 -- my father-in-law, and my brother-in-law the marine, who kept forgetting to give us his address). There was also a second resolution that I don't remember.

I'm thinking that, this year, I will resolve to better my health in some way. I eat pretty healthfully most of the time and I work out regularly, but I could do so much more. Seven years ago, I resolved to lose weight and I did -- nearly 60 pounds. Six years ago, I resolved to quit smoking and I did. It seems that I am the most dedicated to health-related resolutions. I've been eating a lot of cookies and sweets lately, as usually happens this time of year, and I feel really disgusting when I eat a lot of sugar. So I've been kicking around the idea of going refined sugar- and artifical sweetener-free in 2010 but that seems a bit daunting. Cutting down on sugar and only eating sweets on special occasions sounds easier, if I can keep the "it's Friday! That's a special occasion!" attitude at bay. I'd also like to run a 5K this year for real. I've been thinking about that for a while now, too.

Stay tuned for a public declaration of resolve.