Thursday, June 25, 2009

Happy Birthday

In honor of my 31st birthday, I give you two of my favorite people: Anderson Cooper and Richard Simmons. Will Anderson dance with Richard? You'll have to watch to find out.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

An Actual Conversation

What follows is an actual conversation between my mother and I about her chin-length gray bob:

Mom: I want a new hairstyle. I'm turning 60 this year, and I'm tired of my hair. What should I do with it?
K: Get it cut short.
M: Don't you think that will make me look like an old lady?
K: Do you think your hair now makes you look like a young lady?
M: Well, no. . .
K: You've had the same haircut since I was a child.
M: I have.
K: Do you ever watch "Keeping Up With the Kardashians?"
M: Yes! *launches into a diatribe about how spoiled and mean to their mother the Kardashian girls are.*
K: You should get your hair cut like Kris from that show.
M: Kim Kardashian? Don't you think that's too long?
K: No, not Kim. Kris Jenner.
M: A Man's haircut?
K: Not Bruce Jenner, mom. Kris. The mother on the show?
M: Oh. But her hair is black!
K: . . .

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Blow to the Ego # 542

I'm not a competitive person, really. I never have been. I'm pretty content to not be the best at anything. I like to be as good as I can be, without going through too much trouble to get there.

Anyway, I went to the gym yesterday, as I have every day since I joined, in my quest to become Linda-Hamilton-in-Terminator-2 in time for my wedding. I was on the hamster wheel -- I mean the elliptical, Wu Tang in the headphones, zoning out. About 10 minutes into my workout, a 50-something man gets on the machine next to me. He starts moving and I SWEAR TO GOD we were synchronized. Then he started stealing glances at the display of my elliptical so that he could go faster than me. Whatever, I thought, maybe I'm being paranoid. I'm self-conscious almost to a fault, and I always think people are looking at me when they are not. Why would this old man need to one-up me on the elliptical? There were plenty of fitter people there if he was looking for motivation.

After my 30 minutes were up, I moved on to a treadmill. I picked the last one on the end, closest to the fans. I got myself situated and started to do some walking uphill / jogging intervals. Guess who ended up on the treadmill next to me, despite the line of empty treadmills? Guess who started running backwards on the treadmill next to me?

Suddenly, I felt like a flabby, out-of-shape loser. This middle-aged man was running backwards at the same speed which I was running forward. He wasn't one of those super tanned and muscular middle-agers, like you see in Just For Men haircolor ads, either. He looked like my dad, for god's sake. He was wearing tube socks.

Just when I'm feeling pretty good about myself, having gone to the gym four days in a row, someone comes along to remind me that I have a long, long way to go.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Little Updates, Quiet Riot

During my second trip to Sun Kiss Tan, the super tan girl decided that, since I didn't burn the first time, I was OK to go in the more powerful bed. I was not. The entire back side of my body, from neck to ankles, got burned in only 10 minutes! Once the burn goes away, I'll be back (because I have paid for 10 sessions) but I will demand the first bed that I used, not the torture chamber.


The city of Charleston has still not picked up our recyclables. Brad suggested that perhaps they only collect them every other week, so we'll try again on Wednesday.


I had a mild freak out when I realized that we are getting married in less than three months. I have so much to do. The first thing on my list? Find and make an appointment with a good seamstress. The second? Join a gym and start working out with a vengeance. I plan to do both this week.


Somewhere, in the hills of West Virginia, Quiet Riot is playing very loudly.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009


I spend most of the summer in T-shirts, sometimes wife beater-esque tank tops, and I spend a decent amount of time outside (well, maybe not lately). Therefore, I tend to have a rockin' farmer's tan by July. Brad gets the worst farmer tan in the world from his lycra cycling clothes; mine isn't that bad but bad enough.

Since we are getting married in September and I am not wearing a T-shirt to the wedding, I desperately need to even out my tan. I was debating what to do: should I lay outside in our yard everyday? Use self-tanner? Get an airbrush tan?

In the end, I decided to go the sorority girl route and hit the tanning salon. I know how bad this is for me, and I am not the kind of girl who plays fast and loose with, you know, cancer. I will avoid UV rays for the rest of my life after the wedding, but I need my skin to match for this one special day!

I went to Sun Kiss Tan for my first session yesterday. The girl at the front desk was one of the tannest people I have ever seen, natch. She sold me a package of ten sessions, and escorted me into the room. I was really nervous, as I tend to be when I am doing something for the first time.

First, let me say that there are special goggles. And if you don't wear them? You'll go blind. I stripped down to my bra (with straps tucked in) and underwear, slathered myself in a "Diva" lotion sample, clamped my eyebrows down on those goggles, and hopped into the bed. I was prepared for it to feel like a coffin, and it kind of did, but it was surprisingly relaxing. It was warm and there was a fan blowing and music playing. I stayed in the bed for ten minutes and when it shut itself off, I got out, got dressed, and came home.

Not scary at all. And the payoff will be that I won't look ridiculous in my wedding dress! Now if there was only a way to keep my skin from freckling in the process. . .

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Barrel of Fun

Brad and I went to Huntington yesterday to do a little exploring and ended up at the Huntington Mall. Somewhere, we had procured a gift card for Cracker Barrel, a place that neither of us had ever been to before, and since it was lunch time and there was a CB near the mall we decided to give it a try.

Turns out Cracker Barrel is an odd, wood-paneled "Country Store" in the front, with an odd, wood-paneled restaurant in the back. We put our name in for a table and milled around the store, where it appears they sell only rocking chairs and candy. After a few moments, our name was called and we were escorted to a huge, round table. This thing could have easily seated six, but we had the whole table to ourselves. We decided that, since we were the only patrons under the age of 65, that they had put us at the kids' table. We both ordered a fish fry, which is a staple of Wisconsin dining and is something that is not readily available in this part of the country. It was OK, but really only managed to whet my appetite for a real WI fish fry.


In other news, we received our wedding invitations in the mail yesterday! I ordered them from an unfortunately-named website called Wedding Paper Divas, and they were relatively inexpensive so I didn't know how the quality would be. I was pleasantly surprised, they are beautiful and unique and exactly what I wanted. I can't wait to send them out!

Next, I need to find a good seamstress and have my dress altered. Luckily, it fits me pretty well, so I really only need it to be shortened, and I think I will have them cut the train off. I'm not really a train kind of girl. I also need to figure out what I'll be wearing on my head. Decisions, decisions. . .

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Why, Charleston?

Why won't you take my recyclables?

For the last two weeks, I have placed the bin out on the curb along with our trash cans. And for the past two weeks, there they have remained after the garbage truck has come and gone.

The first week, I just put the items in the bin. When they were not picked up, I read on the city's website that they have to be in clear plastic bags. I looked at three different stores and couldn't find any clear bags! So this week, I put them in grocery store plastic bags in the bin, to no avail. I guess they are really serious about this clear plastic bag business? Where does one find these elusive clear bags?!

I just want to recycle my Diet Coke cans, people!

edited: Brad found clear plastic bags at Lowe's! We'll see what next week brings.